Seaside Confession
by rain-in-summer
Summary: What would you do or say if someone appears in front of you claiming he knows you? What if he further tells you know him too? What if you can't remember and you are sure that's the first time you seen him?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

It is our first day at school. I am now sophomore in college, still taking up psychology. People, is what interests me. I do not usually socialize. I just want to observe people. Looking at them from a distant, thinking what they may be thinking at that moment. Maybe that's what leads me in taking up psychology.

Living outside of the city where my university is, I usually needed to make an extra effort to wake up early. Earlier than those of my classmates who live or rent rooms or bed space in dormitories. I'll be riding a bus for an hour or so and it depends on what time. If my class is seven in the morning, I need to be in the bus at five-thirty so I will not be late, while it's a wake up time for some of my classmates near the university. I so envy them.

I saw Jon walking, about twenty-feet ahead of me. I walked faster to near him. I'm sure it was him, judging from his unusual walking posture. His hair is now shorter than I last saw him. I pat his shoulder and he looked back.

"Hi Jon!" I said

"Hey…" Jon took me by the arm. He was the first person I knew in college. The story was during the first day in college, I was so late that only one seat was left vacant—beside him. We walked together up to the classroom for the first subject. Surprisingly, he's still my classmate in all the subjects. We're in block section.

"Meg!" I hear somebody called me. By the way, my name is Margaret—Meg for short. It was Hannah. She took Jon's right arm, and his left arm is tied around my right arm. We went inside the classroom holding each other's hands which seems to be afraid of losing each other. Jon was ever since close to females which makes him a subject of intrigues of being a gay. But that wasn't proved anyway.

Jon, Hannah and I were the best of friends during our first year, and I hope, still in the coming years. We occupied three vacant seats next to each other. In college, you need to sit next to someone you know. It's uncomfortable to sit next to someone you do not know. But, Jon and I do not know each other until we sat next to each other. Well, I guess, that's how it starts to know another classmate.

Almost everyone in the class had been our classmates in the previous semesters. It feels that nobody in the class was a stranger, except from those two new classmates we have. They're both sitting at the back row. From my observations, I can tell they knew each other. Maybe they're friends or cousins, or maybe they're from the same class in their high school. The girls in the front rows were talking about the two. I can tell, because I observe. Their giggles, laughs, stares, raising eyebrows, I knew it all.

There are only few males who study psychology. In our case, there are only around twenty-five percent males. Maybe because only few males care to know about human—their behavior, their mental processes, their personalities. While females can be considered as banks of curiosity, so as I.

They were talking about summer trips or classes they had during the vacation. The minds of those geeks, which they say I'm one, were clouded with things concerning the new professors and subjects.

Before nervousness occupies me, I need to push it away as early as possible. I decided to observe our two new classmates. They can both pass in my 'good-looking male standards'. Maybe they realized I was looking at them. I noticed they were talking about me. So I started a conversation with Jon and Hannah to distract myself from observing them. There were forty students in the classroom, thirty-eight of which I know, and two of which I have yet to know.

Our professor for the first subject of the day was late. He went in the class room half an hour before the subject ended. Usually each subject is an hour and a half. His name is Sir Frank and the subject is Logic. I think he's around 40.

"Logic requires the use of mind." He says. He's right. But not just logic, I mean, all subjects requires the use of mind, even in sports.

The bell rang before he could explain his grading system. I felt relieved. I felt he's not a tough professor. I felt like I can enjoy this subject without requiring total effort.

Each class we transfer rooms, and that's what we are about to do. They, the two new classmates approached me.

"Meg…" he said, I don't know his name yet. But what makes me think is how he knew my name. I'm sure that was the first time I saw him, or them. "…David, remember?" I was shocked. It was as if he knew me for a long time but I just couldn't remember.

"David? How d'you knew my name?" I asked him.

"Dave, are you sure you know her?" his pal whispered to him.

"I'm sure! Meg, right? You're Meg, right? It's me David. I just grew my hair a bit, and I'm now taller." he keeps on explaining, we're walking on the hallway. Jon and Hannah were looking at me with half believing expressions. I can't really recall.

"Yeah, I'm Meg. How did you know? I'm sorry, but I don't know you." I said. I can't explain his face when I said it. He stopped talking. Maybe he was a bit embarrassed. It felt like time stopped.

Jon hands pulled me for the next class. Time was too fast, the professor will not wait for late students. I pushed my thoughts about David and how did he knew me when the professor entered the room. But that's no use, because David and his pal joined the class for the next subject, and so. He's with us in the block section.

I expected David will approach me again after class, maybe in the cafeteria or while walking to the bus station. But, he didn't. So I thought he's just some stranger who saw my name or maybe asked my name from the others, then prank me, to make me believe he knew me. So I dismissed thoughts of him on my mind. Instead, I took a bus and rode home.

Bus is the best transportation for long trips, like mine. You can just sit there, or look outside the window, the streets, the buildings, or just sleep. I usually extend my sleep on the bus during the mornings. When going home, I enjoy the views of the poor in the streets. It's not that I like what I see or to see them suffer. I just reflect, I feel lucky to be studying in a private university, eating thrice a day, having a mother who can provide my needs, and those stuffs. I just feel blessed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

I arrived home at around five noon.

"How's school?" Mom asked as she opened the door. She was at home the whole day. She has a little fever. I said nothing. Even I didn't say anything, she'll know. She knows because she observes, and she's my mother. School never tires me but the trips.

I put down my little heavy back pack on the sofa. "Mom, do you know someone named David?"

"Why?" She asked staring at something I couldn't explain.

"Nothing." I replied. There's something in her mind, she knows I'm lying. She went to the sink in the kitchen to soak her small towel in the basin. I went to my room.

My room is filled with books. Mostly textbooks that were used in the private schools I was enrolled to. That's one of the reasons why my mom hated going inside my room, it's messy. My mom once offered help, to move those books in the attic but I refused. I wanted to keep them, though it's useless. It's now useless to keep books of your pre-school years which contain alphabets and shapes. They were piled up in the floor on left of my bed. And, some were scattered under my bed. The novels are neatly arranged on each drawer of my table.

Silence is what I like most. My mom and I lived together alone for all my life but she has always been respectful of my privacy. I changed to my pyjamas and lie on the bed. I closed my eyes. Thoughts come in and out. David's thought comes in again. I've been a fan of mystery stories and I felt like I wanted to solve what's bothering me—him knowing me and I not knowing him.

I tried to call some of my high school friends and asked them about someone named David. I was disappointed nobody knows him. That's what I expected, anyway. So I convinced myself it was just a first day prank from a new classmate. I pushed that thought out of my mind.

I opened my window to allow the fresh dusk air pass through my room. The faded curtains hang on my window for almost a year now, I guess. But, I don't tell mom. She'll get angry and will nag all day. She manages to keep the house clean and she's working at the same time. My father died in a car accident months before I was born. It's been the two of us since then. She never searched or found someone to marry. I don't know where she works exactly. All I know, she have a degree on psychology, or was it psychiatry? She never tells about work on me. I never asked, anyway.

"Meg, Jonathan on the phone!" Mom knocks on my door. She always knocks even the door is unlocked which she could just open.

"Hi Meg!" Jon always calls. It is as if we haven't seen each other for years. He cares a lot and that is what I like about him. "Have you had dinner?" He's showy. We've been friends for a year now. I was about to ask, 'What made you call?' but it would be ridiculous.

"How's your day today?" I asked instead. Talking with him seems unending. We talked a lot about what's new and what's not. He even mentioned David.

"See you tomorrow. Good night. Bye."

Tomorrow in school was the same. Nothing to look forward to but friends—Jon and Hannah. We stayed on a bench in the quadrangle waiting for the time to pass till it was time for PE. I am not physically healthy, definitely not sporty. PE is not for me. But, I have to take this subject as a requirement. So, I did. And it was basketball. I thought then that basketball is only for the males. Now, I'm here standing in the middle of the gymnasium, wearing this PE shirt and jogging pants. I always make excuses that will send me sitting on the bench. Sometimes, I say my head aches, or my stomach aches, or my ankles were sprained etc.

There was this PE afternoon. I was sitting on the bench. Monthly period was my excuse which looks fake. Somehow, it got through. I just watched them play. Jon was not that good in that game but he manages well. Hanna is an expert, an ace. She was a varsity in her high school.

Someone stumbled on the floor and screamed the pain. It was David. His ankle was treated with an ice. Being the only one doing nothing, I was asked to give him first aid. So, I was holding this ice. My hands were freezing to death.

"It's too cold. I can't hold it for few more minutes. Can you handle it on your own?" I said. That is the first time I talked to him again since the first day prank. I never talked with him because he never talked to me.

"Do you remember me?" he said. The least reply I expected. Weeks had passed and he's still on that prank.

"Come on, you're still on that prank, aren't you?" I said half teasing. He stared at me then looked away.

"I'll handle this." He got the ice and walked towards the other bench, away from me.

The professor whistled, it signals break. I handed Jon and Hannah their towels and bottles of water. Jon is bathing on his own sweat. I volunteered to put his towel on his back. The same on what I did to Hannah.

I was at the bus stop when I hear someone calls me—Drew. He's one of my few male classmates. He resides on the same city where I live. And, that means we'll be riding on the same bus that noon. Window on my right, he's on my left. Drew was not irritating but I feel uncomfortable around guys aside from Jon. Because, he's the best guy I know. Drew is smart, a nerdy but rarely talks to everyone but me. I somehow enjoyed hearing new information from him. Like, about the book he currently reads or the food he ate last night, those stuffs. Simple but informative. Thanks to him, I broke that day my usual street viewing habits going home.


	3. Chapter 3

I used to keep everything to myself. Like, what I think or what I feel. But it's the opposite for the other people. I wanted to know everything about them, what they think or what do they feel. Until, there was a moment I regret, something I knew about someone.

On our biology class, as a requirement for the finals we joined a camping. It was on a beach resort. It has nothing to relate with biology. It's just that the university wanted to make money out of that trip. To relate it with the subject, we were asked to collect shells on the seaside. It was stupid but we have fun.

It was sunset when we arrived there—perfect. Everyone watched the sun setting to the waters. A romantic view. Hannah has motion sickness and went straight to the room to rest. Jon and I sat there for more minutes after the sun sets. Everybody unpacked their bags in the rooms. We're left alone. It feels like we own the ocean. There's silence and waves.

"Meg, let's play." Jon smilingly said.

"What?"

"Asking questions. Anything." Jon feels relaxed that moment to talk about anything.

"Sure. You go first." I said.

"Ok. Be sure to be honest. We're the best of friends…" he reminded. "You haven't said anything about your love life." The least I expected. I'm not good at predicting conversations.

"Huh?! Can I not tell you that?" I hesitated.

"But, we're friends. You can ask me anything later, anyway."

"Okay, I haven't had any." I said staring at the sky.

"Really?"

"You can't believe it? I said the truth." I said irritatingly.

"But why? I mean, you're pretty, and kind, and smart."

"I don't know either…" I sighed but my cheeks were blushing. "Maybe it hasn't come yet, or yet to come, or maybe I haven't know yet…" then I whispered. "…Or he has no idea yet." I saw him laughed a bit. "What's funny? I should've not answered that."

"My bad. Sorry. We're friends you know. You can tell me everything."

"How about you, Jon?" I asked him.

"Me? What about me?"

"The same question." We became serious so sudden.

"Can you ask me anything, but not that?"

"No! You're unfair!" I really wanted to ask him about that.

"Fine! There's this girl…" He said. "…which I really liked in high school. She's not smart and not well-behaved at all. She speaks what's on her mind. She listens to nobody. She always puts up a fight between the two of us. She would yell 'Jon, you're stupid!' or 'Bastard!' whenever we had fights…" Tears fell on his face. "…and I could still hear those words in my head until now. It's stupid but I love her more when she says those things… but, she died. Suicide."

"I'm sorry." I said patting his shoulders.

"I want to be fair."

"Do you still love her until now?" I asked hoping for a chance.

"So much."

It's so painful. He's still in pain. Years had passed but his pain is still on him. He hugged me after that. Thanking me for lending an ear and a shoulder. He decided to sleep after that. It makes him better but it leaves something on me that I couldn't explain.

I was left there sitting. I forgot about dinner. It was only silence and waves again. Thoughts came and left. Some thoughts stayed. I was confused. Do I love Jon? I really want him around. Day is not complete without a call from him. He's the guy I'm only comfortable with. Do I love him? Why am I so disappointed? Why do I regret asking that? I should've not asked that, so I'll not know. What you do not know will not hurt you. Jon is not just a friend. I feel hard to breathe. I suddenly burst into tears. Sometimes, it is just better not to know anything at all.

"What are you doing?" Someone asked. But I was sinking in my own thoughts and I could not stop my crying.

"Why are you crying?" he asked me again.

"Leave me alone." I said without looking. I heard the foot steps walked away. The sky was empty and later it rained. I couldn't move, I was helpless. It was a first time that I cried of which I do not know the reason. The rain grew harder and I can hear the roaring of the thunder. I was so scared that I can't really move at all. Lightning was angry. I'm shivering cold and crying.


End file.
